I was only eight years old when I first heard the word “faggot.” It felt like a weapon, meant to sting, and though I didn’t fully understand it, I knew it was something terrible, something I was supposed to fear becoming. Words like that sink deep into a child’s skin. They stole themselves around the heart, shaping the way you see yourself before you even know who you are.
For those of us who grew up gay in a homophobic world, childhood was not just about playground games and homework. It was about learning how to hide. We became masters of self-editing, measuring every gesture, every word, every friendship, in case it revealed too much. The silence wasn’t simply the absence of speaking; it was the absence of existence.
In From Faggot to Grampa, Brian Raines sets bare this reality with constant honesty. His memoir captures the lifelong ripple effects of growing up in an environment where being yourself meant risking tease, rejection, or even danger. As he shares, these early messages about sexuality don’t disappear with time; they settle in, often shaping the relationships we choose, the careers we pursue, and the ways we connect with our bodies and emotions.
The damage is subtle and sneaky. Many who came of age in such an environment learned early to police their thoughts. They built careful cover-ups, sometimes marrying, sometimes burying themselves in work, sometimes seeking protection in religion, all while carrying the quiet ache of feeling “other.” Brian’s story is evidence of how deeply these survival strategies can shape a life, and how brave it is to dismantle them later on.
Healing from this kind of early wounding takes time and intention. It starts with breaking the silence, naming the truth you’ve kept buried. For Brian, this meant challenging periods of adopted shame, seeking therapy, and eventually coming out later in life. He writes honestly about the relief of finally living openly, but also about the grief for the years lost to fear. His use of EMDR therapy to address PTSD emphasizes how healing is often both emotional and physiological; our bodies remember the insults, the bullying, the rejections, and they need help to release them.
Many people who have walked a similar path have lessons in their journey. Healing begins with finding safe spaces, be it a trusted therapist, an affirming faith community like the Unitarian Universalists, or a circle of friends who see you without condition. It also requires recovering your story, deciding that the labels and judgments of others no longer have authority over your life.
Perhaps the most powerful part of Brian’s memoir is that it doesn’t end in bitterness. Instead, it celebrates love, love for his spouse, for his family, and himself. In becoming “Grampa,” he proves that authenticity and connection are not mutually exclusive. His life shows that even when our beginnings are shaped by prejudgment, our endings can be written in acceptance and joy.
Growing up gay in a homophobic world leaves marks. But as Brian Raines reminds us, those marks don’t have to define us. They can become reminders of how far we’ve come, proof of the resilience that was forged in silence, and the beauty that appears when we finally speak.
Read From Faggot to Grampa to know the full life story of Brian and understand the often overlooked aspect of our society.
Grab your copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1917399383.
