A baby who sleeps for long stretches, rarely cries and seems content with almost anyone may sound like every exhausted caregiver’s dream.
But in foster care, an unusually “easy” baby can sometimes be communicating something more complicated.
That idea appears repeatedly in Alicia McCormick, PhD’s forthcoming book, Get Too Attached: Collective Wisdom on Fostering Babies. Drawing on her own experience and the stories of other foster parents, McCormick explores a reality many people do not expect: trauma in babies does not always look like constant crying or obvious distress.
Sometimes, it looks like silence.
McCormick describes caring for babies who slept much of the time and rarely cried during their first weeks. To outsiders, they could appear to be “perfect” babies. But she learned that extreme sleepiness, limited interaction and feeding difficulties could also be signs that a baby was struggling, particularly after prenatal substance exposure.
Other foster parents in the book describe similar surprises.
Bonnie, for example, cared for a baby who was calm, slept well and did not seem bothered when handed to unfamiliar people. While that could simply reflect temperament, she also understood that his early experience of moving between caregivers might have affected the way he attached. It was only months later that he began showing more typical separation anxiety.
Amanda’s experience was different but carried the same lesson. When she first brought her foster daughter home, the baby seemed remarkably easygoing and rarely cried. Over time, Amanda began to wonder whether that quietness reflected more than personality. The child had experienced significant instability before entering care and Amanda came to see the lack of crying as potentially connected to what the baby had already learned about whether distress would bring a response.
These stories do not mean every quiet baby is traumatized or that a calm temperament should automatically be treated as a warning sign.
They do suggest something more important: caregivers should avoid assuming that “easy” always means “fine.”
Babies cannot explain what they have experienced. Their communication comes through sleep, feeding, movement, crying, eye contact, attachment and the way they respond to comfort. Sometimes distress is loud. Sometimes it is remarkably quiet.
That is why the foster parents in Get Too Attached emphasize observation, responsiveness and consistency. They describe holding babies often, creating predictable routines, responding to physical and emotional needs, reducing overstimulation and seeking early-intervention or therapeutic support when necessary.
McCormick brings substantial firsthand experience to those lessons. She has fostered 34 babies, including medically complex and substance-exposed newborns and teaches workshops on caring for substance-exposed infants and developing and supporting attachment.
One of the book’s most valuable messages is that babies deserve to be understood as individuals, not measured against an image of the “good” or “perfect” infant.
The baby who cries may be communicating distress.
The baby who never cries may be communicating, too.
The important question is not whether a baby is easy to care for. It is whether the adults around that baby are willing to listen closely enough to understand what their behavior might be saying.
Get Too Attached: Collective Wisdom on Fostering Babies by Alicia McCormick, PhD, will be available soon.
